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Officers

This version was saved 16 years, 4 months ago View current version     Page history
Saved by PBworks
on November 15, 2007 at 5:53:56 am
 

Officers 2007-2008

 

President

Ariel was born under a total eclipse in the year 412. Her mother lived up on a small farm in Sweden, and life would have been totally normal for Ariel, had her mother not taken in that pale traveler one dark, dark night, mere hours before Ariel was born. Unfortunately, soon after she'd given birth, Ariel's mother passed on. Her body was burned, and the ashes were entombed in a cave far away from civilization. Ariel grew up as a normal girl. She was fond of rare meat, moonless nights, and absolutely despised garlic. However, as people aged around her while she remained young and healthy, she realized that perhaps--just perhaps--she was different from regular folk. So, she packed up her belongings and headed out in search of others like her. Since then, she's made her mark upon various periods of history: she fought beside Charlemange, drank with Ivan the Terrible, and took tea with Elizabeth I. After World War 1, she came to America, and has been living here ever since, quietly interacting with those strange creatures called humans.

Vice President

Vincent is a different person depending on who you ask. Most people that know him would say he's a pretty smart, quiet boy who grew up in suburban New Jersey. The word on the street is that "Vinny from Jersey" ran a gunrunning business and was a surprisingly influential figure in organized crime, at one point a liaison between various groups, most often between one the Five Families of New York and various Far East syndicates. Previously-classified FBI documents, however, state that he was actually an informant for either (depending on the source) the FBI, the DEA, ATF, or perhaps all of them (a botched sting that revealed his identity as a snitch may have led to his moving to Chicago). Another recently-acquired source refutes all this, stating that the arms-smuggling was actually a cover for the ADRS, an organization that tracks, handles, and covers up anime-multiverse anamolies (think MIB, except not for aliens per se). It may explain accounts by both Russian mobsters and New York's Finest of girls in sailor fuku armed with AK-47s during a firefight at a Brooklyn warehouse on the night of June 27th, 2004 (the witnesses were apparently told they were affected by a hallucinogenic gas released in the shooting's early moments). The incident required a lot of work to suppress, and Vincent apparently took an indefinite leave of absence. He relaxes through attending UCJAS sessions, though evidence suggests he still does work for the ADRS through tactical simulations on his computer and scouting for recruits at meetings.

Treasurer

Dan Hates cheese.

Archivist

Three years ago, Rachel was forced to flee the terrible fanfiction syndicate, leaving behind her one true love and a torn up ticket. Disappearing without a trace, she became only a memory in a dream until she recently surfaced as the sole heir to the Minutes house. After hearing her father's dying words, she had no choice but to control an organization of attractive vampires to combat the undead army of grammar nazis. Only one can survive. Rachel is fond of writing angst-ridden romance, British schoolboys, and suits. Of both the wool and vinyl persuasion.

Acquisitions Officer

Charlotte is one of the many illegitimate children of Chuck Norris. She has a flare for color, and a deep seated love of foot binding. As a child she was a rising star in Mexican bullfighting, but after her best friend's dog groomer's hairdresser's former roommate died in a tragic banana incident, she hung up her cape. Now she gallivants about with the Librarian, seeking treasure and antique furniture.

Librarian

Pat is the result of a horrible accident gone terribly right; he is the fusion of a super genius, an ancient samurai warrior, two alien supercomputers, twenty three sheep, and a toaster oven. He maintains the library with flare and panache, his cyborg infant slaves. He built his home, an impregnable fortress, atop Mont Oleander (Mount Olympus's second cousin) from scrap lumber, a Little Tyke play set, and four roles of Duck tape (tape made from ducks. Not to be confused with Duct tape). His Favorite color is 'grey poupon yellow', which he says, "resembles my soul, my wardrobe, and my stool." If one desires to contact Pat, one need only strip naked and run into a wall until while shouting 'who's your daddy?!?' in Swahili. When you comb ack to sanity, you'll find yourself in the tender embrace of Pat's zombie henchfolk.

Cyberspace Outreach

Geoff has no memories of his life before he was turned into an experimental superweapon by the Canadian military. But he escaped, and roamed wild through Saskatchawan for seven years where the closest thing to anime to be had was shadow plays that Geoff would put on for his woodland animal friends using puppets made of birch bark. He eventually encountered an agent of UCJAS and after an epic three-day battle, where the powers unreleased by each side changed the course of several rivers, they fought each other to a standstill and declared each other worthy adversaries, then became fast friends. Now Geoff is a proud American citizen and UCJAS's finest warrior despite his weakness for whipped cream and Naruto fanfics.

 

 

Ninjas

Kat ran afoul of the Luxembourgian mafia sometime back in the 80's and has been on the lam ever since. (She may be the deposed Count of Monte Carlo, but these reports remain unconfirmed) She revolutionized the S&M world with her best selling video, "101 Reasons Not to Forget the Safeword." The video's distribution is a felony in 7 states and Guam. When asked what her life ambition was, she replied, "Gaining control of the country through manipulation, assassination and pornography. Then, I'll force the president to hand over Texas, and turn the entire state into a sweatshop that will manufacture EGL clothing." (After laughing with great evil gusto, she went on for another three hours. The end result is world domination through a military force that is her own variation on Orbital Drop Shock Troopers--read: the Sacred Band of Thebes meets heavy artillery. For the full document, visit her Livejournal.) Her favorite anime are "Super Midnight Tech Support Kraken Davy Jones Crocodile Machine" and "Lonely Lolis Gone Wild: Volume 9." She is 37, but--due to a hormone disorder--appears to be only 21. If approaching her from behind, always remember to beware her light saber, which she often ignites without warning.

 

 

 

For officers of previous years, check out the History section.

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